Santiago

Well I must say straight off the bat that Santiago truly is a magnificent city, couldn’t think of enough superlatives to describe the place. Very special place. Had a maniac of a taxi driver from the bus station to the hostel who was quite literally doing 100km/hr through the streets of downtown, it was like Omid Yassaie on crack. Don’t think i’d ever try it on although he seemed to know what he was doing. Dropped our stuff at the hostel and headed straight out the door to explore the place. Set off on foot into the middle of the city to find a nice cafe which you would think should be easy enough. My friend, you’d be very wrong. We walked around for a solid half hour, gave up, and went to burger king. To be fair, there was delicious food in Santiago, just elsewhere. After that meal of epically disgusting proportions we hopped in a taxi and went up the cablecar of San Cristobel to get a super view of Santiago, stretching as far as the eye could see. Really is a very beautiful place, parks dotted all around the city and a very green city all up, plenty of nice old buildings too. Had a good look out from the lookout, as you do, and caught the teleferico back down the hill. Caught a taxi back towards the hostel and had a look around the Miraflores (think that’s what its called, maybe the Miradores?) Not sure of its background but its basically a big, attractive park right next to the downtown area with lots of historic buildings and structures scattered and strewn throughout. A very pleasant place to hangout and to peruse its various appeal s, also seemed to be a popular date spot and romance was thick in the air everywhere you looked. Back to the hostel afterwards to prepare for yet another large night, as more people were leaving the tour. First stop was a top notch restaurant in the San Cristobel area, delectable quesadeas (spelling? The Mexican thing anyway) and some Chilean beers, not half bad at all. We then hit up one of the clubs not too far away, really good dance floor and Anthony Corry in particular had his ‘well-you-can-tell-by-the-way-I-use-my-walk-I’m-a-women’s-man-no-time-to-talk’ strut on. Great looking girls in Chile, unfortunately in Santiago none of them wanted a bar of us (better luck elsewhere). Pretty gold boogie session and we were there until about 4am in the morning cutting shapes when the place shut and we taxied back to the hostel. Wish I could say at this stage that we went to bed but some of us were still on a high so there were some rather disgraceful and reprehensible antics until around 6am. Corry’s arse was on display for much of that time, not a pretty site at all. Next day was an absolute write-off considering the previous night on top of the last several days and nights. Corry didn’t exit his bed until 2pm and then that was only to go to nuclear war with the bathroom, it was like Hiroshima after that spell of fireworks. Sat around feeling about 5 out of 13 on the scale of wellness until we decided we shouldn’t completely waste the day so we taxied out to South Americas biggest mall to have a look around. Went to a TGI Fridays for food and yeah, that’s the last time I go to one of those. Absolute filth, I’d rather lick a toilet bowl I think. Service was also pretty appalling so we only had about 30 minutes to look around the mall before having  to head back to the hostel to farewell a couple of the aussie girls. Not our finest tourist hours, and anyone reading this is probably bored out of their mind, don’t blame them. At least the night was better as the hostel put on a bbq for us that was ambitious in quality and quantity. Massive steaks and sausages, even a decent salad was sighted, and new bottles of red wine kept appearing in front of us; drank far too much again. Farewelled all our Canadians from the tour and basically cut the group in half as we welcomed 9 newcomers (at this stage down to the 5 originals who would see the 83 days through to Rio, myself and Corry, Brogan ‘bogan’ Cooper, Tegan ‘ginga ninja’ Webb and Victoria ‘that’s what she said’ Mear). I should note that the 9 included the prodigiously hilarious and charismatic Mike Matthews from England, who immediately asserted himself as a fine old geezer and provided many suitably comical lines, actions and insults all the way to Buenos Aires. Anyways, after disposing of the bbq and introducing ourselves, we had a quiet night in to be able to make the most of the next day. Was up early and set off for a walk around some of the pretty parks, for a look at the National Theatre building, and to one of the museums where they had some delightful photography and art, mixed in with some rather random and confusing exhibitions. Afterwards, me and Corry set off by ourselves on the subway (fricking sweet, hadn’t ridden one for 20 years and it was a very efficient, clean and cheap system) to the big mall again. Blatantly jumped on the bus without paying on the way also. Once at the mall, we mowed some superb sushi which was a bit of a struggle to order, and somehow the lady got the name ‘Patrick’ out of ‘Anthony’ then window shopped like chicks for the next couple of hours. Actually made some purchases in the end before getting on another bus without paying and riding the subway back towards the hostel. Corry was meeting up with Gab again, who was following us around like a bad smell. Nah but seriously she’s a lovely girl and both her company and her willingness to give me some time away from Corry was much appreciated. Corry was pretty much head over heels also. Anyways, whilst they were on a date, I went paragliding like real men do. Amazing experience, had a drive out to the hills with my instructor who then geared us up and we set off. One failed takeoff attempt where we smashed into the ground but the second time we were sweet and were pretty much 500m up within a matter of seconds. Exhilarating feeling and we were absolutely hooning round the sky for a good half an hour with a great view of Santiago up to perhaps a kilometre in the air. I took the reins for a while which was great fun and was even allowed to do a few spiral turns, which are meant to be a bit dangerous, while the instructor took some awesome photos of us. A much better landing than takeoff and then had to wait for a couple of other people to have their turn, although it was cut a bit short when one of the other guys yakked all over the instructor and they had to make a swift landing. Headed back to the hostel, Corry and Gab had been for a romantic meal so I got a pizza which was systematically obliterated, then we headed to the bus station to catch the overnight bus to Pucon, and when we arrived the next day in the morning, it was new years eve!

Mendoza

There may be expectations a bit of a whinge here but the bus ride was actually a piece of piss, having had two rather large nights in a row each, both me and Corry slept for around 15 hours of it, and listened to music whilst each nursing respective delayed hangovers for the rest of it. Sorry to ruin whatever anticipation there may have been for it being about as much fun as a knob in your bottom but I can’t say much more than that. Although I must say there was no small sense of relief that it passed so quickly as it could have been much, much worse than it was, and we were obviously extremely glad to leave the bus. Had a man hug with Corry when we disembarked as it was Christmas day, although it felt rather surreal and not exactly like the day that the son of God was born, having ridden a bus for the first 9 or 10 hours of it. Perhaps also contributing facts were that we had already done our Christmas celebrations and were having a bit of an orphan Christmas in another country without our own families. Anyway, whilst most things in Mendoza were closed, the taxi service was running and we found our way to our first hostel. As I said, being Christmas day, most things were closed, including our hostel, and despite my efforts to jump the fence and break in, the place was dead. Great start to the day... so we farted around playing street cricket before we found a different hostel to stay at that was open. Pretty glad to have a shit, shower, shave and lie down in the air conditioned room after the bus ride and given the fact that Mendoza was stupidly hot. After a lie down we headed to one of the only restaurants that was open, pretty average food but lots of it. My steak was actually 3 steaks, no complaints. Spent the rest of the day sitting in the central park on the grass spinning yarns, blowing bubbles and avoiding pigeon poo. After a few cheeky lads beers in the hostel foyer, the group headed out to dinner at a nice little place next to the main park. Good food but shitty wine, our bottle of Syrah was only made drinkable after having to place several ice cubes in each glass, pathetic really. Had a walk through the main park again and looked at the market stalls before deciding to set up our own stall selling the contents of our pockets and some of our shoes. No sales were made. Cut our losses and hit the sack. The next day we were up early to catch a bus to a water park about an hour outside of Mendoza. Pretty sweet place, plenty of gorgeous women in next to nothing, and the pools themselves were absolute gold, there was one that went around the whole of the bottom area and another wave pool in the middle. We found a good spot on the grass and caught a lot of rays that day, which was interrupted by various pool and food breaks. Classic catches in the wave pool was memorable with a few screams being taken; the gammy left hand of Anthony ‘Ifeellikeachunderandimightneedapootoo’ Corry was particularly prominent. Was at the pool place until 6ish, enjoying the water, the sun, and the absurdly cheap but somewhat disgusting red wine. As Mendozan holidays were drawing to a close and everyone was heading back to work, our bus was stuck in a few hours of traffic, meaning that we didn’t get back to the hostel till very late. By the time we sat down for dinner, it was about midnight, but the area we were eating was amping as that is generally around the time that most Argentineans eat anyway. Had a delicious bottle of Malbec and the BEST steak i have ever had in my life, big and juicy, cooked to perfection, and soaked in Roquefort sauce. Sensational stuff. Didn’t leave the restaurant until about 230, pretty casual time to dine, and headed back to the hostel. Next day we had a very long and lazy brunch before beginning our winery tour at around 2pm, visited 2 wineries and sampled a few varieties, good reds but rubbishy whites and sparkling wines – purchased one bottle of malbec for the evening. Also visited one place doing olive oils and another doing liqueurs and chocolates, good samples at both, especially the absinthe shot at the second one. I didn’t personally think much of the tour, we were rushed through every place and didn’t really get a chance to enjoy the locations, bicycle tours in the Hawkes Bay of New Zealand come much more recommended. Sank a cheeky hip flask in the van on the way back in preparation for our last night in Mendoza and, more especially, our last night with a couple of our Australian mates from the tour, Tim and Emma, who continue to be held in the highest esteem by both Corry and I. While the girls were busy prettying themselves, Tim, Corry and I worked our way through a couple of bottles of wine before beginning on a bottle of rum. Drank at the hostel for a gooooooood long time and was mucho barracho (very dieseled) by dinner time. Another late dining experience on account of the state of affairs we were all in, another great meal and really enjoying the lateness of the banquet, think Argentineans are definitely onto something with that one. Back to the hostel for some winks before having an early start on our way to the Chilean border and on to Santiago. Emma Fartley was up to give everyone a goodbye hug but less than impressed with the effort of Timothy Gashworth who was still as pissed as a toilet. Very sleepy ride to the border which we got through with a minimum of fuss and effort (bit of contraband snuck through I believe), some very attractive mountain scenery out the window but wasn’t feeling completely on top of things, and the bombs Corry was dropping didn’t exactly help matters, so was pretty glad to arrive in Santiago in the early afternoon.

Salta

Started out pretty early the next day for our tour of Salta on foot. A short distance away was a cablecar (teleferico if you remember your Spanish) which we caught to a lookout spot with some glorious panoramas of the city. Also seemed to have half of Argentina’s stray dog population. Walked back down into the city and visited a shopping mall, which had some of the girls almost in tears as they hadn’t seen anything like it for maybe a couple of laborious and gruelling months. We all shamelessly ate McDonalds too. The lads had a bit of a walk around, using the man radar (or mandar) to locate an ATM machine while the girls tripped over themselves looking at all the pretty clothes, couldn’t stand to be around it really, estragon knocking about everywhere. After the mall we walked through the city, which was a really beautiful place with lots of parks, cobbled streets and old style buildings, raking hot too though. But yes, a very beautiful place, matched only by the beauty of the women there, Argentina is paradise in that respect. Walked through the streets, Corry mostly ogling girls through his reflective sunglasses, until we found our way to the main square, where we enjoyed a cold beer out on the street shaded by umbrellas. Definitely massively the good life. Afterwards we hit some flea markets to look for Christmas gifts, among a large number of soccer jerseys we picked up a spiderman school bag and some womens underwear. Pretty crazy selection of odds and ends in those places, worth a visit. Back to the hostel after a quick haircut to enjoy a number of big delicious beers in the sun, before heading out to a restaurant near one of the main parks. Corry behaving himself disgracefully by chucking food around without a hint of aplomb. First night of Argentinean food was superb and lived up to its large reputation, big juicy steaks and delicious red wine. Farking well happy to say goodbye to Bolivian ‘cuisine’. We then went to the main bar area of Salta where we debuted our long awaited karaoke performances. ‘Land Down Under’ by Men at Work was ably executed by myself and Tim ‘Iglesias’ Ashworth, who seemed more concerned with cutting some absurd shapes and various manoeuvres including the electric boogaloo. Stuck around for a bit waiting for our next turn but when it was patently obvious they were delaying our next go as we were showing up too many locals, we headed back home. The next day was again begun by a quick visit to the mall for another fix of McDonalds and some other purchases before we were collected from the hostel for our horse riding expedition. Really nice setting up in the hills for a trek, very well trained and behaved horses too. Got up to a few gallops which was pretty sweet as well. Some people looked at home on their steed, including Meeeerrrreedddiittthhh and Emma Fartley, although Tegan Webb lost the respect of her equine companion and Anthony ‘Chafe’ Corry looked less than comfortable. Myself, well I was later compared to a young Clint Eastwood. The trek was tops though and enjoyed by all. The ranch even had a Sapo board and some cold beers. After returning to the hostel we started Christmas celebrations (as we were going to be on a bus for part of actual Christmas day). Drank in the sun whilst sitting in the hostel’s pool for a good long time whilst cracking yarns with various members of the group, really a good way to spend Christmas. As the afternoon dragged on into the evening we all sat down for a bbq dinner together. Superb steak, roquefort-infused sausages and red wine. Corry and I even put on shirts for the occasion. Very merry evening with plenty of laughter, couldn’t beat it with a big stick, and the secret santa presents was a classy touch. Back in the pool for a bit before we headed to the playground, as the swings were simply irresistible to us drunkards, and then into town to party. Good times having a wee boogie and there was a lot of unusual moments but I’m pretty hazy on it to be honest, Corry had a late night and wasn’t back till 6 apparently, but I ended having a bit of a mare and was home at about 330. Not my finest hour as I fell out of bed at some stage during the night and woke up on the floor in the morning. Next day was a struggle as we packed up our gear with our heads in an absolute state of affairs, had a quick bite to eat at the hostel and were out the door to catch a 20 hour bus ride to Mendoza. I’d like to add that I found out that morning that my grandmother, my Mum’s mum, had died in England, which was very sad news at that time of year. RIP Granny Block. Next post - the bus ride and Mendoza.

Tupiza and the Argentinean Border Crossing

Been a while...when we last wrote our heroes had finished their adventure in Uyuni and were going to board a 2am train to Tupiza. The train ride wasn’t great. I had a kid behind me who kept putting his feet up next to my ears on top of the seat, despite me continuously pushing them back off and glaring at him. However, I guess me and Corry can’t really complain, we had somewhat reclining seats with a movie and a sandwich at breakfast time, whilst many of the group were in cattle class sitting on a bench with no back, squashed in with locals – 3 people to a 2 person bench, with animals – both domesticated and livestock, and people and bags cluttering every inch of floor space. Some very grumpy individuals when we arrived in Tupiza, and it didn’t help that me and Corry took the opportunity to rub it in. Think one of the girls even had a cheeky cry, can’t have been our fault though. Tupiza, to put it subtly, was a shit hole. Nothing to do and it was a grimy wee town. Went and had a rubbish breakfast, shouldn’t have to pay for the kind of stuff we got, and then wandered through town for a bit. Most of the group slept the day as they hadn’t got a wink on the train, so the rest of us spent the day having long slow lunches, playing on the internet and wandering the streets. Bit of a nothing day so I won’t say much more, apart from that we had a jizzy lasagne for dinner at a good little restaurant before hitting the sack.  Funnily enough, a few of the girls lost their appetites after a little flat bed truck pulled up outside the restaurant and began to unload huge slabs of meat to the place across the road, completely unrefrigerated of course with flies buzzing around, even my lasagne didn’t look the same after that. Not the finest day of the tour but a necessary evil to cross the border and enter Argentina. Had a few hours on the bus the next morning to the border. Bit of a shambles and I strongly anticipate it’ll be the worst of the tour. We got through the first line easily enough to get our passports stamped out of Bolivia and then began an arduous 3 hour wait in the line for Argentina. Of course we were waiting on the road, they wouldn’t think to have a building. About two-thirds of the way down the line we encountered some French wanks trying to jump the line as they said if they didn’t they would miss their bus. After jumping the queue, being very French about the whole thing, we actually found them on our bus later that afternoon, make your own mind up about those dickless bastards. Anyway, we eventually got to the end of the line and got through. Got a very cursory check of our bags, wish I had smuggled those drugs now, mowed a pizza and hopped back on the bus for another 5 hours or so to Salta. Super to be in Argentina and the quality of women was immediately and noticeably improved. But also many other things, such as roads, driving skills, food and drink hygiene and the cleanliness of toilets before they had been visited by Esquire Corry, also were markedly superior. Got into Salta late at night and hit the hay after some quiet beers. More on Salta (and Christmas!) in the next post.